Catatan kecil di Ujung 2009 untuk Anton, Dany, dan Igor

22 December 2009

Begitu login ke facebook seperti biasa halaman ‘home’ langsung terpampang di depanku… waktu browsing … ada 3 hal … 1 comment, 2 status yang ‘catch my eyes’ karena di ‘home’-ku pas berurutan letaknya:

1. Comment Anton di statusnya Putri:
meh dikei duit muttt...
bagi doooongz...
wkwkwkwkwkwkkw
ngeleh ki mut....

2. Bawahnya persis, Status Dany : Sakit gigi.... Sakit gigi... Sakit gigi....

3. Bawah status Dany, status Igor:[jatuh cinta] -- [jatuh cinta] -- [horeee]

Setelah sempat ‘comment’ di tempat Dany sedikit … dgn kalimat kurang lebih … ‘urusan gigi dari jaman kapan kok ya nggak selesai2’ , tiba2 aku tersadar …

Dan aku mulai dengan hati2 membaca lagi ‘home’ itu … oooohhhh oooohhhh ….
Nampaknya yang bisa dikomentari pakai ‘dari jaman kapan’ nggak cuma ‘status’ Dany … karena:

1. Tampaknya Anton juga punya penyakit kronis selalu ‘ngelih’ … sering kali di kampus dulu, dia kalau break antar kuliah … dengan gegap gempita ke ruangku dgn pertanyaan standar: ‘Mbok … ana panganan ora?’

2. Dany – pastinya dengan sakit gigi, sejak lebih setahun yang lalu ak tahu dia sangat menderita dengan gigi-nya …. Yg smp sekarang belum juga beres tampaknya ….

3. Igor dengan penyakit jatuh cinta-nya yang mungkin nggak usah dibahas banyak2 in case nanti ada yg membatalkan diri jadi pacar-nya gara2 note ini … tapi ya begitulah … bagai siklus bulanan perempuan …

So, … catatan ini berfungsi untuk pembanding aja di tahun depan …. apakah ada perubahan atau nggak di akhir 2010 nanti …

Ps. Aku sedikit yakin kalau Anton pasti akan bilang ... 'Lah penyakit kronismu mbok??? ... ndas sempal-- that's the answer' ....

Happy the end of the Year Boys ....

Burung Kacang

Waktu berjalan pulang dari belanja, kami (goen, ike, dito, yogis) melewati jalan dengan pohon-pohon rindang di kanan kiri dan menikmati suara dan kicauan berbagai macam burung, lalu muncul percakapan ini:

Yogis : “Ma… burung kacang apa Ma?”

Ike : “Eeenngggg?” (sambil memandang Yogis dengan ekspresi bingung)

Yogis : “Eh … nggak ding … itu lho … kacang burung?”

Ike : “Kacang burung? Apa dik?” (tetap bingung)

Yogis : “Itu lho … kacang burung…yang di rumah Semarang…” (suaranya mulai
terdengar merajuk)

Ike : “???”

Goen : “Oooo … kacang Garuda?” (ternyata goen memang cerdas ... T.T)

Yogis : “Iya … kacang Garuda…” (dengan ekpresi sangat gembira)

Ike : “O … kacang Garuda…”

Yogis : “Burung itu persis BURUNG GARUDA…” (sambil menunjuk salah
satu burung yang ada di pohon)

Ike : @.@ ...

Free to be me ...

Seeing people coming and going
singles … couples
Some are laughing …
Some are smiling …
Some are glancing nervously …
Some are holding hands …
Some are hugging …


Noticing coiling smoke from my black coffee cup …
Trying to catch the warmth it sends …
Letting loose all thoughts haunted my head …
Stealing others’ air of freshness …


Isn’t it lovely to be alone?
Isn’t it lucky to be a covert observer?
Isn’t it peaceful to be on your own?
Isn’t it free to be yourself?

@48cool

A sort of happiness

“Happy” has a very broad sense, difficult to define yet sometimes simpler to feel. I happened to experience that kind of simple happiness. In the morning, I checked my balance in my mobile phone and as it often happens I hit the wrong key in my mobile phone and got to the list of contact. Suddenly a name appeared in the list: “Flx” … Felix… and off course…his mobile number. And then…out of the blue…I felt an urge to send him a message. Then…I wrote…and sent it:

Flx
Flx,
Hope that life is doing great…
U r the person I can’t reach through facebook…so I send u this message to say ‘hi’ – ike

Recipient:
Flx
+628xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent:
….
10:00:13

I sent the message without any expectation to receive a reply as he is a man of a very few words and not a kind of person who likes doing a meaningless chit chat.

In the afternoon when I was doing some readings I heard my mobile vibrated (I deliberately set my mobile phone in vibrating mode as I am easily annoyed by ringing tones). I picked it up and opened the new message…:

Flx
Hai juga.

Sender:
Flx
+628xxxxxxxxxxxxx
Message centre:
+6143xxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent:
………….
15:41:19

GOODNESS…it was certainly from Felix. Didn’t he realize that he had to pay double or triple of the usual rate as the SMS had to cross to other continent? Hopefully he knew it or I would feel guilty as I failed to tell him about the rate….

Anyway, I don’t really care about what he felt or feels. The most important is what I felt. I felt happy…H A P P Y…in a funny way. It doesn’t mean that other people who are still in touch with me do not make me happy but this is just different. An SMS from a person who did not even bother to say anything but only expressed pain in his eyes when I told him that he had to postpone his graduation to another year as he still had to pass one subject he forgot to take…is a lot of things. The SMS boosted my day…

The Torn Birds

There is a legend about a bird which sings just once in its life, more sweetly than any other creature on the face of the earth. From the moment it leaves the nest it searches for a thorn tree, and does not rest until it has found one. Then, singing among the savage branches, it impales itself upon the longest, sharpest spine. And, dying, it rises above its own agony to out-carol the lark and the nightingale. One superlative song, existence the price. But the whole world stills to listen, and God in His heaven smiles. For the best is only bought at the cost of great pain … Or so says the legend.

The bird with the thorn in its breast, it follows an immutable law; it is driven by it knows not what to impale itself, and die singing. At the very instant the thorn enters there is no awareness in it of the dying to come; it simply sings and sings until there is not the life left to utter another note. But we, when we put the thorns in our breast, we know. We understand. And still we do it. Still we do it.

(Colleen McCullough’s The Thorn Birds)

"Swallowed In The Sea" - Coldplay

You cut me down a tree
And brought it back to me
And that's what made me see
Where I was going wrong
You put me on a shelf
And kept me for yourself
I can only blame myself
You can only blame me

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
Or swallowed in the sea

You put me on a line
And hung me out to dry
And darling that's when I
Decided to go to see you

You cut me down to size
And opened up my eyes
Made me realize
What I could not see

And I could write a book
The one they'll say that shook
The world, and then it took
It took it back from me

And I could write it down
Or spread it all around
Get lost and then get found
And you'll come back to me
Not swallowed in the sea

Ooh...

And I could write a song
A hundred miles long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

The streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well, that's where I belong
And you belong with me

Oh what good is it to live
With nothing left to give
Forget but not forgive
Not loving all you see

Oh the streets you're walking on
A thousand houses long
Well that's where I belong
And you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

You belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea
Yeah, you belong with me
Not swallowed in the sea

She’s alone

She is standing alone

Half covered by the car parked

Others are walking briskly

Passing her without taking notice

The night is creeping

The busy street is now deserted

People are ready to rest

She is still there standing

I am ready to go

Leaving a half empty glass of chocolate latte

And an empty plate of donuts

I am passing her without saying a word

She’s still standing there … alone…

@48cool

Me and my reflection ...

One day, Felix and Igor showed up in our ‘base camp’, telling me about some of their stupid acts when they were younger. I laughed and commented that ‘I was born intelligent, so I never did dump acts’. Suddenly Felix turned to me and asked ‘Tell me about the clever things that you did’. And I stayed numb. Speaking frankly, it was the first time someone asked me that question, ‘what things that I have done??’ It becomes a reflection of my lifetime…’what have I done so far, for myself…for other people?’ Were they clever acts or just plain acts or stupid acts??

Time flies, and sometimes it flies so fast I cannot catch up with it. I do not have time to just stop for a while and think back about things I have done. I come with many responsibilities, to my work, to my students, to my family, to myself. The responsibilities, most of the time, bind me to a never ending duties of fulfilling others’ needs, conforming people’s norms and needs. Working and doing things I might not probably want to do but have to do. I agree, 100% agree, with Peter Parker’s aka Spiderman’s uncle who said that ‘With great power comes great responsibility’. Of course I do not have super power like Peter Parker but in a way or another that’s how I feel about myself, always.

I was born as the eldest in my family, just like the other eldest in the family; I am expected to be the model for my sister and brother(s). And as someone who is really aware of that situation, ‘I took and am still taking those responsibilities seriously … very seriously indeed.’ Even if I have to die to do the responsibilities, I will do it anyway. I do keep those responsibilities everywhere … At times, the duties, my duties kill me …

Fortunately, I was born as a positive thinking type of person, I can always see the good side of everything…and with my ‘intelligence’ I can always understand other people (which is sometimes misinterpreted as simply ignorant). So … I survive so far.

Those responsibilities also bring a paradox in my life because people I know always judge me as ‘ignorant, wild, rebellious, stubborn, crazy, blunt, carefree (not the brand of women’s napkin), not negotiable, rude, reckless, and restless’. I don’t mind what they are saying because that’s probably who I also am. But seriously…I don’t know why they think about me that way. It is probably because I do things my own way or I am just simply ignorant person who doesn’t care about the standardized values or norms. Or it is just because I was born to be different…

So, I am a combination of a serious…a deadly serious person…who always questions everything, the act that drives me mad most of the time because I cannot stop thinking about things…I cannot stop that and they make me dizzy… and make others confuse about me. At the same time I am an easy going person who can laugh hard at my own mistakes or others’ silly acts no matter they like it or not.

Now I get confuse about myself so I have to stop writing… and have to find my true self. When I find it, I’ll write it to let you know…

Empty space

Saw a full view of you
Sitting, working, chatting,
speaking, laughing, humming songs of love

Never dare to say words in my heads
happy just to hear your voice, had you around,
shared your happiness and sadness secretly

It’s now an empty chair
Though the smell of your perfume lingers
No trace of you anymore but memories

Hatiku

Kuberikan hati ini padamu
Kau tak perlu merawatnya
Kau boleh membuangnya kalau kau mau
Aku tak membutuhkannya lagi
Cukup bagiku merasakan yang kurasa kini
Biarlah aku hidup tanpa hatiku
Mungkin lebih baik begitu

Give me reasons to be happy …

I feel empty today. I feel that I wanna cry but I know that I shouldn’t cry because I cry for nothing.

I should be happy that it’s the future he seeks
I should be happy that finally the time comes to let him go
I should be happy that hopefully he’ll grow up to be a better person
I should be happy that he’ll learn something new
I should be happy that he’ll see a new world
I should be happy that he’ll be happy
I should be happy that he’ll start to realize his dreams

But speaking frankly, I am not happy at all. Point zero. I miss his presence.

August 2009
@48cool

Stop the Clocks - W.H. Auden

Stop all the clocks, cut off the telephone,
Prevent the dog from barking with a juicy bone,
Silence the pianos and with muffled drum
Bring out the coffin, let the mourners come.

Let aeroplanes circle moaning overhead
Scribbling on the sky the message He is Dead,
Put crepe bows round the white necks of the public doves,
Let the traffic policemen wear black cotton gloves.

He was my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
I thought that love would last for ever: I was wrong.

The stars are not wanted now: put out every one;
Pack up the moon and dismantle the sun;
Pour away the ocean and sweep up the wood.
For nothing now can ever come to any good.

Aku, Kedo, dan Dudukan Bonang

Hari ini dimulai dengan tenang dan biasa...sampai pada sore hari waktu tim Futsal Sastra mau latihan dan ‘I've just found out’ kalau bola ada di tempat Anton yang sialnya tidak bisa dihubungi. Dan biasa...karena panik dan merasa bersalah karena pemain udah kumpul dan tidak ada bola...temper mulai naik dan pastinya aku udah nggak bisa berpikir jernih....

At exactly the same time...ada masalah lain yang sudah menunggu dengan maniez...Kedo tidak berhasil mendapatkan pick up yang bisa membawa bonang (buat yg nggak tahu...ini nama salah satu gamelan Jawa- coba cari gambarnya lewat google.com-biar bisa ngebayanign dgn lebih jelas). Jadi, ak minta tolong or tepatnya menculik Rio, anak 2006, buat nolong mengangkut itu bonang karena kebetulan dia bawa mobil.
So...singkat cerita...ak, Ruscha, dan Rio naik mobil ke rumah pak Dalmiri untuk mengambil bonang, diikuti Kedo yang naik motornya untuk mbantu ngangkut bonang dari dalam rumah ke mobil maksudnya.

Begitu sampe di rumah pak Dalmiri dan melihat bonang yang mau diangkut, ‘I've just realized that’ tempat dudukan bonang pastinya tidak bisa dimasukkan mobil Rio yang sedan tertutup (smp nggak ngerti mobil Rio tuh apa). Dalam posisi high temper, dan kemrungsung karena jam udah dekat jam 5 sore (kata pak Roko pelatih gamelannya...TIDAK BOLEH TELAT!!! ) jadilah ak yang sedang tidak bisa berpikir jernih (atau karena emang ak terlahir bodoh ya???(Jangan ketawa!!! dan dilarang mengiyakan!!!)), langsung memberi perintah ke Kedo, "Kita bawa dudukan bonang pake motor!!"

Dan terjadilah apa yang seharusnya tidak terjadi...

Posisi: Aku di depan mengendarai motor MegaPro-nya Kedo...Kedo membonceng di belakang dengan membawa dudukan bonang yang meskipun enteng tapi buesaaarrrr....ukurannya.

Sejak awal Kedo udah wanti2, "Hati2 madam, ni dudukan bonangnya besar, harus ngitung kanan-kiri motor dengan baik...kalo nggak nanti kecantel..."

Namun tragedi udah mulai dari awal waktu turun dari tempat dimana Kedo parkir motornya...karena tempatnya tinggi ...jalan turun, Kedo yg megangin Bonang dan nggak bisa pegangan udah mlorot dan nabrak ak yg mboncengkan...dia bilang, "Madam...madam...wah... bonangnya miring.... " dengan sedikit (or banyak??) panik karena dia nabrak aku (sorry ya Do...sumpah nggak sengaja...)…. Terus Kedo bilang,”Madam jangan panik.” Ak nggak panik Do, aku merasa lucu aja…dan aku bilang,”Jangan buat ak ketawa…ak kebelet pipis.” Pipis yang udah kutahan sejak di Fakultas, tapi yang nggak jadi aku keluarkan karena aku marah2 gara-gara bola futsal.

Saat keluar gang dan siap menyeberang jalan, Kedo yang ternyata lebih ‘freak out’ dari aku…teriak,”Awas madam!! Ada mobil….” Dan aku langsung belok (tidak jadi menyeberang) ke sisi kanan jalan…

DAN TERJADILAH:
“MAAAADAAAAMMM!!!! BONANGNYA KECANTOL TIANG LISTRIK!!!”, kira-kira begitulah teriakan Kedo….

ak langsung berhenti mendadak dan just like me…ketawa ngakak…(dan lebih kebelet pipis…).

Ya ampun…untung tadi Kedo yang mbonceng bukan aku…lha kalo aku yang mbonceng…pasti waktu bonangnya nyantol tiang listrik…aku udah ‘nggledhak’ (jatuh telentang ke belakang) dengan membawa serta tuh dudukan bonang diatasku…dan pasti penghuni seantero Karang Rejo akan merubungku…sambil mungkin ada yang komentar “Bu…bu…wong Paskahnya udah kelar kok ya Ibu masih mau coba2 praktek jadi Yesus mbawa salib….atau apa ini???” – malu sampe mampus aku…
(menurut pandangan mata Kedo…waktu hal diatas terjadi…ak dan dia diketawain anak2 yang kos di rumah pinggir jalan itu…) – ak nggak marah diketawain…wong ak sendiri juga ketawa waktu itu…ak nggak liat Kedo secara jelas…tapi ….:D :D :D xixixixixixixixixi

Perjalanan terus dengan cukup lancar…Kedo menyarankan aku selalu liat spion dan mempet ke kiri…Aku bilang,”Aku udah liat spion, Do…tapi dasar Bonangnya aja yang emang besar, spion-pun tidak bisa dipake buat liat dari pinggir ke pinggir.” Dan ak menolak mepet kiri dan lebih memilih ke kanan karena mobil dari depan keliatan dan lebih bisa liat kita…jadi biar mereka yang ngalah…kalo yang kiri kan mobil or motor parkir…ntar nyantol lagi…

Di jalan sempat ketemu Licco dan Anita yang abis ambil bola futsal di rumah Martinus di Cinde – masih meneruskan cerita ‘bola yang tak ada’- (mereka py cerita sendiri tentang itu karena mereka membawa Jack, my lovely motorcycle, untuk ke rumah Martinus yang konon ceritanya ada di puncak Himalaya…??? Dengan tanjakan mautnya…). Waktu papasan sama mereka…ak dengar mereka treak,”Lhoooo madam??? Ngapain???” Dalam hati ak mengumpat,”Wo allahhhhhh cah…cah…wis ngerti wong rekasa nggawa dudukan bonang ngene ya kok isih mbok takoni ngapa???”.

Sampe di tikungan perumahan Semeru depan Martha Tilaar Spa…ada bapak-ibu-anak kecil yang berboncengan dengan kecepatan tanggung…njelehi tenan…walaupun tahu beresiko, ak nekad mo ‘take over’…WERRRRRR…ternyata aku langsung ‘head on’ sama Toyota Fortuner….brrrrrrr wis…nggak jadi nekad lagi….

Sampai tikungan dekat kapel tahu…tahu….werrrrrr…di ‘take over’ orang….KURANG ajar!!! batinku…aku klakson keras2…mewakili ungkapan hati,”Gak eruh woong rekasa opoo…enak ae nyalip2…Diancuk!!!” (orang yg ‘take over’ ternyata Bunga, anak 2008,…sorry ya Bunga…udah ngumpat ke kamu…).

Setelah itu…’everything was smoother’…dan sampailah aku dan Kedo di tempat pak Roko…

n d’u know???

KEBELET PIPISKU HILANG!!!.

Alasan kenapa aku suka kalian

Kemarin sore di tengah kekacauan pikiran, perut pun ikut andil menjerit-jerit. Lalu tercetuslah ide untuk beli makan. Entah mengapa...mungkin karena pikiran memang sedang menolak berpikir jernih...usulan untuk membeli mie ayam bakso pun diterima dengan kesadaran penuh bahwa tidak ada alat makan sepotong pun di ruangku. Setelah makanan datang, kenyataan bahwa makan mie ayam bakso dari plastiknya tanpa alat makan adalah hal yang sangat sulit mulai terjadi. Plastik dibuka, jari jemari pun dicelupkan ke dalam mie bercampur kuah, mie mulai diangkat satu2, dan perlahan-lahan dimasukkan ke mulut (kecuali Dany yg sanggup memakan a bunch of noodle). Sungguh, kami berempat mempraktekkan cara terprimitif untuk makan mie ayam. Anita dengan canggihnya memasukkan saos ke plastik dan mengocok-kocok plastik bak tukang sulap. Danty setelah merenung agak panjang sepakat bahwa makan mie ayam tanpa alat makan adalah disaster namun akhirnya berhasil menghabiskan mienya jg. Aku yang sudah bertekad apa pun yg terjadi makan harus tetap jalan. Dan Dany yg ternyata py jurus tersendiri buat makan cepat tanpa tersedak. That is the reason I like u guys...karena kalian 'gila'

Trouble - Coldplay

Terpengaruh Anita dan Dany... jadi suka lagu ini...
Kedengaran awalnya sich 'O no...o shit...' ternyata' O no...I see...' :D

O no, I see,
I spun a web, it's tangled up with me,
And I lost my head,
The thought of all the stupid things I said,
O no what's this?
A spider web, and I'm caught in the middle,
I turned to run,
The thought of all the stupid things I've done,

I never meant to cause you trouble,
And I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
O no, I never meant to do you harm.

O no I see,
A spider web and it's me in the middle,
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in love in a bubble,

Suka bagian ' I am in love in a bubble...

Curse or game of love?

Why can't someone so lovely and lovable have love?
Is that a big joke of nature???
Or is that a curse??
Or is it simply a game of love??
...unanswered is the answer...

FUCKLENTINE ...

People ask me bout Valentine.
My answer is:

NO FLOWERS

NO CHOCOLATE

NO DATE

'HAPPY FUCKLENTINE'

Minggu yang berbahaya

Lepas dari hatiku yg sedang tidak karu-karuan pada akhir minggu ini, ada beberapa catatan penting yang terjadi:
1. Minggu ini adalah minggu yang berbahaya untuk potong rambut. Lihatlah yang terjadi pada Anton, Dante, dan Igor. Sepertinya tukang potong rambut mereka sedang dapat ilham dari the dark side buat bikin tampang mereka membuat orang lain EMU (emotionally unstable)...
2. Minggu ini juga bukan minggu yang baik buat nonton film, bahkan yang katanya box office sekalipun. Aku, Dante, Anita nonton 'Twilight' yang ya ampppppyunnnnn. Juellleeeeeeeeek banget. (film-nya lho, nggak tahu novelnya...). Kaya High School Musical versi vampire....hoeeeeeek..... . Sedangkan Dany nonton 'Glitch' (apaan tuh???) yang ceritanya menurut dia juga aneh bin ajaib. Seajaib mission impoaneh-nya Dante cari ubur2.

Today's News in Sastra

This morning started with seeing Dany's Gothic face make-up. Koran ternyata sangat efektif untuk menciptakan gothic expression n make-up. Tapi dengan syarat: Hanya Dany yg bisa melakukannya dan dia had no idea how to to do it.
This afternoon ended with watching 'Twilight' yang 'comedy version'. Kalo yang belum pernah nonton yg versi ini, ada di kantorku. Dengan syarat: nontonya sama Dante, Anita, dan Ike.

Ps. Dany slept with a newpaper on his face and he got some words copied on his face in the following morning...

I'm not the only silly person

Baru aja aku diitelpon seorang teman dosen di UNIKA di mobile phone-ku. Dia bilang sangat penting dan akan menelponku di extension yang ada di ruangku. Dengan tergagap-gagap dan ketawa yang sangat 'silly' aku bilang aku nggak tahu nomor extension ruangku (FYI: selamanya ruang itu ya ruangku, aku punya ruang sendiri) dan dengan lebih 'silly' lagi, aku tambahkan informasi bahwa 'aku nggak ngerti nomor extensi ku karena aku kan nggak pernah menelpon diriku sendiri (tul nggak???)). Terus karena aku baik, aku tawarkan untuk telpon dia ke extension kantornya aja. Dia lalu menyebut dua nomor *** or ###. Aku lalu menelpon ke *** yang diterima oleh stafnya dan setelah basa-basi ditanya nama dsb, telpon itu ditransfer ke sebuah nomor. Yang buat aku ngakak adalah begitu tersambung, kalimat pertama yang dia ucapkan adalah: "Tadi telpon extension berapa??' Waktu aku jawab '***" , Dia bilang 'Jadi...aku di nomor ###'. Ternyata...ternyata dia sama aja nggak tahu nomor extension ruangnya. Hwakakakakakakakaka...SO..

. I am not the only silly person.

Ice Cream

Ice cream ternyata punya efek untuk membuat lemah otak seperti hari ini waktu ike, Dante, n Igor beli ice cream. udah mbak2 yg jualan sgt 'slow motion' dalam melayani, semua yg dikomunikasikan tidak nyambung. Contoh: isi durian jadi beton, pesan pop corn keliru kentang, cm mengucap kt 'pohung' dikira mau pesan 'pohung', pesan pop corn rasa keju kukira menunggu digoreng dulu, berdebat soal nyamuk yg sdh mati, krn ada 2 cones yg rusak mbaknya men-dumped the whole cones tanpa rasa belas kasihan, dan yg terakhir setelah semua makanan dibayar dan udah mau pulang, Dante bertanya apa dia sudah bayar atau belum....