"Broken Vow"

Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end

Tell me again
I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own

[Chorus:]
I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow

Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time

[Chorus]

I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end

[Chorus]

http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/larafabian/brokenvow.html

Pergilah …

Ingin kukatakan padamu
…pergilah! …
ambil cinta ini dariku … please …
dan aku akan tenang…

tapi waktu kau pergi
aku tahu satu hal
aku tak akan bisa bertahan
karena kau bawa hatiku bersama pergimu …


@48cool

Am I a Language Sinner (?)

Responding to my note ‘the side-effect’ of reading, Melao and Dwi Putranto raised another but very intriguing topic of Bahasa Indonesia. Dwi Putranto told the fact that there are now many Indonesian prefer English to Bahasa Indonesia while Melao said that some of her colleagues questioned her abundant using of Bahasa Indonesia in her FB statuses (I love her ‘sweetly … and deeply … statutes in Bahasa Indonesia…as a matter of fact.).

Those responses make me think about me and the language I use…

You’re correct if you also wonder about my motive writing this issue in English while perhaps I can also write this note in Bahasa Indonesia. But does it make me a language sinner if I wrote this note in English? Or if I chose to write this note (or all my notes) in Bahasa Indonesia… will it make me a traitor to my so-called ‘English Department’ group?

I grew up speaking two languages: bahasa Jawa and bahasa Indonesia … then I am exposed to English language. I am only able to write well in Bahasa Indonesia and English... still do not master both languages properly but at least people won’t find it difficult to understand my points. It is a pity that I am incapable of writing in Bahasa Jawa because I never keen to learn how to write it well (but I promise I will).

What those languages for me are like blood in my body … they give me life… to express my ideas and feelings. They are very much part of me that I don’t know why and when I opt for one when I have a choice (when I don’t have choice … of course… I’ll use the appropriate language … like I can’t use English when I was in ‘Arisan PKK’ at home…:D).

One of my Japanese colleagues, Kimi, told me that Indonesian who can speak more than one languages never find difficulties in switching and mixing the languages even in front of foreigners. She noted that Japanese could not do the same easily. I never realized that fact until she told me.

And I think Kimi is right. In a seminar I met some friends who can speak bahasa Jawa, English, and of course bahasa Indonesia, and we talked about lots of things switching, mixing, turning, chattering, and blabbering with these three languages interchangeably. I am not saying that we’re so good in those three languages that we mix the languages but more to we’re so limited in our way of expressing our worlds and perceptions if we use only one language (what is the translation of ‘meksa’ (Jawa) … ‘Huh… nek basane awake dhewe… analisane mau meksa.’ And what is the translation of ‘analisa’ in bahasa Jawa anyway… For me… “ouccchhh… it hurts” … is much better than “aduuuhhhh… sakit” … . And “wah… ngenyekmu jeroooo”… can’t be substituted with anything else).

I will say that whatever the language I use to speak (or write), that will be my own choice. When I mix them, it is not because I proudly want to show that I can speak English but it shows that I am not perfect, that I am limited in my mastering of those languages. But one thing for sure … whatever happens … I love to be an Indonesian (a Jawa…) who can speak and write in Bahasa Indonesia (and basa Jawa) … (and English). And I will use them properly (never perfectly though) … .

So if you choose to use a language instead of other(s) you know, it’s your free choice. Your heart will lead you in this matter…

Sepotong pun nggak ada?

Makanan favoritku adalah mie. Sekalipun aku sudah berusaha keras untuk mendiversifikasikan makanan yang aku konsumsi, mie tetap prioritas utama dalam angan-anganku.
Di salah satu sore yang melelahkan aku super kepengin makan mie, karenanya aku mengajak Danty untuk makan mie di warung makan dekat kampus. Nama tempat makan itu “Mie *****”. Sampai di warung itu, kami duduk dan mulai memesan makanan. (Pj = penjual, Ik(e), Da(nty))

Pj : (mendatangi kami dengan note di tangan)
Ik : Mie ayam, mas… sama es teh manis…
Da: Aku sama … mie ayam … sama es teh manis …
Pj : Maaf mbak, mie-nya habis …
Ik : Huh??? (langsung ‘blank’ … bayangin aja… ini warung judulnya warung mie… tapi kok mie-nya nggak ada… lha aku terus harus pesan apa coba?)
Pj : Mie-nya habis mbak…
Ik : Habis? …. (terdiam sejenak) … sepotong pun nggak ada??? (dengan nada ngarep kelas berat).
Pj : (menggeleng dengan bingung)

Iya lah ya … kalau pun masih ada sepotong … bisa apa dia dengan sepotong bakmi itu …

*ketika kerinduanku pada mie sudah tak tertahankan… Hunny Bunny … aku pengin makan mie … huks huks huks*

Aku tak tahu...

‘Maaf,’ kataku padamu.
Kau diam tak menjawab.
‘Maaf, aku tidak datang kemarin,’ kataku.
Kau tetap diam.
‘Maaf. Aku membuatmu kecewa,’ kataku.
Kau tetap tak berkata apa-apa.
‘Aku tak melihat pesanmu,’ kataku.
Kau seakan tak mendengarku.
‘Aku sungguh-sungguh tak tahu kalau kamu meninggalkan pesan untukku,’ kataku.
Kau beranjak pergi meninggalkanku sendiri…

*Aku tak tahu hal mana yang lebih menyedihkan untukku: ketika kamu membuatku sedih atau ketika aku membuatmu sedih...

I'm sorry ... for letting you down...*

Igor yang ekspressif

Ini kejadian waktu nonton cuplikan film terbunuhnya John Lennon (Igor penggemar berat John Lennon) Chapter … via youtube di komputer ruangku . Waktu itu yang nonton bertiga: aku, Anita, dan Igor. Karena itu cuplikan pendek, aku membutuhkan konsentrasi penuh untuk memahami adegan yang ada. Detik demi detik berlalu… menit demi menit berlalu… sampai pada adegan ada moncong mobil muncul di kegelapan (settingnya malam). Tiba-tiba tanpa terduga di depan mataku ada jari telunjuk di depan monitorku yang menunjuk ke mobil itu… dan suara panic Igor: “ITU … JOHN LENNON PULANG!!!” … aku yang sempat kaget menjawab: “CEPAT… BUKAKAN PAGAR…!!! SIAPKAN AIR PANAS!!!”

Side-effect of reading

Since I was a kid, I heard so many times people said that someone should read a lot so they can be smart. I did (and am still doing it foolishly… :p)… but never people warn me about the side effect of reading. I just realized it later that none of the smarter I am, I feel robbed from the so-called entertainment.

In times I need my piece of mind to just stop working and have fun…
But ….‘NOOOOO’…

I’ve just realized that I can’t watch ‘Hollywood’ movies without thinking about ‘Americanization’, that America will always win anyway; …without thinking about ‘Postcolonialism’, that white men will always be the winner and the saviour … (take examples of ‘Avatar’, ‘Knowing’, ‘2012’, ‘Rambo’, ‘Star Wars’, ‘Superman’) … .

I can’t watch news without seeing the unfair treatment to the ‘colored people’, without thinking about the prejudices of the west toward the east….

And I can’t even watch ‘MALE STRIPERS’ performances without thinking about ‘the objectification of the body’, let alone see women in ads and ‘real women’ being objectified in and by the media.

So what is left for me …???
Listening to the music … (and opt for love songs)… which is in a way are more universal … although still I feel robbed as mostly I am listening to lyrics written in English …

Ps. Last week I watched ‘Enemy at the Gates’ a true story of a Soviet sniper in WW 2, it is actually a very good movie… but how good it will be if all the characters (they are Russians and Germans, none of them are British or American) talk in English??? It felt so fake …